“ Your account is blocked? Lucky you! ”

 

Congratulations! Welcome to the elite club of “Living Statues of Fintech Despair.”

 

Sit tight, you might want to get comfortable — you’ll age gracefully next to your phone or laptop, waiting for answers from chatbots with pre-written sympathy scripts.

 

You’ll enjoy endless reruns of copy-pasted phrases like “We understand your frustration” and “Your case is under review.” Meanwhile, Revolut teams enjoy lunch, dinner, and probably a few snacks in between — while you marvel at the innovative concept of “not eating today.”

 

The apathy is gold medal-worthy. Olympic-level, really. Your money is blocked not because they have to, but because they can. Perhaps they’re just practicing liquidity management with your funds. Maybe they’re chasing juicy overnight interests.

 

And honestly, why wouldn’t they block your money?

After all, they probably know how to spend it better than you do. If the law allows them to, and there’s no real accountability — even better! It’s a win-win situation. For them.

 

You, on the other hand, are just financing a system that thrives on the optimism of believers in European or national legislative protection. How charmingly naive!

 

Truly, it’s great to be Revolut: rivers of money, fed by the trust of well-meaning, law-abiding citizens and businesses who just wanted to, you know… use their own money.